Memory Triggers?
There is never a moment of any day that my children are not on my mind. But some days I will see or hear something that reminds me of an experience I had with one or all of them.
Today was one of those days. Several years ago when my sons were about 8 and 10 I took them to a skate park. The kind with the big half pipes and ramps that kids ride bikes and skate boards up and down. My youngest son was content to stay on the smaller ramps and just roll around but my oldest little daredevil wanted to get where the big kids were. And since the trip was about them I agreed but with the usual parental worry. Now he was all geared up in pads and helmet to the point of looking like a cross between a hockey goalie and medievil knight about to go jousting so I knew nothing BAD would happen.. but as a parent I still worried with every trip up and down the ramps.
At one point he took a fall and slid from the top of one of the ramps down to the bottom and got a nice strawberry on his hip for his efforts. He was trying to be a big man and hold it in but I could see his lower lip quivering with the pain. My heart hurt for him and I wished that I could take the pain away even if it meant taking it on myself. That was the end of that outing and we left shortly after because he was hurting too much to go any more. I felt so bad for him but knew it was just one of those kid things and he was over it within a couple hours. Although he still had the 'scar' to show for his time at the park.
I miss them to the point of feeling physical pain some days. The rest I just miss them. They are so much older now and probably dont remember any of those field trips with me. I just hope that some day they might take a walk down their childhood memory lane. And if they can get past the brainwashing of their mother that they can remember the things we did together and how much I loved them and never hesitated to tell them so.
To my sons, who will never read this but I have to say it once in a while just because I do. I love you,. Dad.
Today was one of those days. Several years ago when my sons were about 8 and 10 I took them to a skate park. The kind with the big half pipes and ramps that kids ride bikes and skate boards up and down. My youngest son was content to stay on the smaller ramps and just roll around but my oldest little daredevil wanted to get where the big kids were. And since the trip was about them I agreed but with the usual parental worry. Now he was all geared up in pads and helmet to the point of looking like a cross between a hockey goalie and medievil knight about to go jousting so I knew nothing BAD would happen.. but as a parent I still worried with every trip up and down the ramps.
At one point he took a fall and slid from the top of one of the ramps down to the bottom and got a nice strawberry on his hip for his efforts. He was trying to be a big man and hold it in but I could see his lower lip quivering with the pain. My heart hurt for him and I wished that I could take the pain away even if it meant taking it on myself. That was the end of that outing and we left shortly after because he was hurting too much to go any more. I felt so bad for him but knew it was just one of those kid things and he was over it within a couple hours. Although he still had the 'scar' to show for his time at the park.
I miss them to the point of feeling physical pain some days. The rest I just miss them. They are so much older now and probably dont remember any of those field trips with me. I just hope that some day they might take a walk down their childhood memory lane. And if they can get past the brainwashing of their mother that they can remember the things we did together and how much I loved them and never hesitated to tell them so.
To my sons, who will never read this but I have to say it once in a while just because I do. I love you,. Dad.
posted by Lost Dad at 2:30 PM
0 comments
