One More Time

Well... for what it's worth I've tried to initiate contact again. My daughter's birthday is coming up so I used this as the pretense to contact her to ask if there is anything she wanted or needed.

If there was ever a way I could contact my kids without their mother controlling the exchange I might have a chance. But since she filters or redefines after the fact everything I say and do there is not much chance.

Saw a picture of my oldest son the other day. He has grown! I wonder sometimes if they ever think about me. I try to put myself in their shoes and think what it would be like if I couldnt talk to my father or see him once in a while. Not a pleasant thought. He's getting up in age now and already has outlived his mother and is coming up on the age his father lived to so I know the years with him are getting shorter. I cannot imagine ever telling him that I didnt want to see or talk to him anymore. Much less following through with it.

I went once for six months without talking to my family. My ex whom I was still married to at the time demanded that it was either them or her. Trying to be a good husband I picked her for that time. But I could not take it anymore after six months and just told her to get over it.

Hope my daughter responds. Even a negative response is better than none at all. At least I will know she had to think of me to send it.